Do you know that you could be loving your partner the wrong way? Probably you haven’t thought of this yet. Or perhaps, your partner has given you some clues but you’re confused about how to put it to work. Before you decide to break it off because you think you two don’t make a perfect duo, take a deep breath and soak-in this piece slowly. You’ll find answers to your questions right here, fingers crossed. Feel free to leave a comment, like and share. Happy reading!!
Before we delve into it, permit me to ask; if you only understand English and Twi, would you want to be friends with a person who only understands and speaks French? I bet your answer is a BIG NO!! You’re right by asking yourself this very question, “How would we communicate?”. On this note, I believe you do agree that languages help us communicate better. And hardly will someone befriend a person you don’t speak a common language with.
This same logic applies in the love relationships we get into. Most times, we love others the way we want them to love us, rather than the way they want to be loved. This ends up in a miscommunication and mismatch where we begin to feel we aren’t compatible with our partner.
It’s human nature to find difficulty in seeing things from another person’s perspective. This is because we conceptualize things based on our own experiences. For instance, if you like perfumes a lot, whenever you decide to buy your friend a present, you might consider buying him/her a perfume or something scented, if not necessarily a perfume. If you like to look good, you’ll try to get him/her something you think would make him/her look good as well. True?
It’s not advisable to push your perspective on your partner; don’t even think of it! For all you know, it could be an outright torture to them although it may seem perfectly cool or fun to you. This is why it’s necessary to know your partner’s Love Language. Yea, you read it right!
According to Gary Chapman, there are five different ways of expressing and receiving love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. These are what he terms the five love languages. Each of us has a primary love language — one that speaks most deeply to us emotionally. It is similar to spoken language.
People get frustrated when their spouse don’t respond positively to their expression of love. One truth in marriage is that, couples may be extremely similar but never alike. If this isn’t understood the love shared in marriage can diminish. Again, good intentions alone aren’t enough. We must also learn how to meet our spouse’s emotional need for love.
How can we do this?
- It is a must to learn how to express love in a language your mate will understand
- Observe their behaviour and how they typically express love and appreciation to others. This may include the need to touch and hug people, frequently give words of affirmation, always giving gifts, or enjoy having a two-hour lunch with a friend.
- Next, record your spouse’s complaints; they will reveal your spouses’ love language. If he says, “We don’t spend time together anymore,” he is telling you that his love language is quality time. If she says, “I don’t think you would ever touch me if I don’t initiate it,” she’s revealing that physical touch is her love language. You’ll find that the complaint “I don’t know why you can’t help me around the house” reveals that acts of service is your spouse’s love language.
- Pay attention to your spouses’ inquiries/comments. If she asks you, “do you like my dress” or what do you think about my new look” she’s asking for words of affirmation. If he comments when you leave on a trip, “Be sure to bring me a surprise,” he is telling you his love language is receiving gifts
- If you grew up in a home where love isn’t expressed in a particular way then it becomes difficult. We must consciously put in efforts to master these love languages to satisfy our spouses’ emotional needs.
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Much love. Stay safe.
