Nana’s dream wedding was one of those posh Instagram weddings which became the talk of town. She was the first amongst the popular three musketeers, which includes myself and Grace, to be taken off the market. I bet she raised the bar as high as a mountain you would hardly reach. Her husband, Philip, is one handsome young man who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth so money ain’t a problem.
As we danced and cheered the couple on during their first dance at the reception, I was thankful for her in-laws who adored and treated her well. Behind closed doors, I prayed to be blessed with such a man.
The first time I heard from Nana was in a video call during her honeymoon. She looked good, but same couldn’t be said about her tone – edgy, as though something or someone was pursuing her so the call ended abruptly. I sensed all wasn’t well. When I inquired, she responded to my WhatsApp text assuring me that she was perfectly fine.
Apparently, my best friend was going through a lot but she wouldn’t open up to anyone for fear of ridicule. That was so typical of her, I thought. You’d have to force the truth out of her otherwise, she’ll suffer in silence.
On a good day, Philip was calm but he usually addressed issues with aggression if he missed a dose so staying with him was rather unbearable. To cut a long story short, her hubby didn’t disclose his medical history to her neither did her in-laws for once, talk about his mental health issues. This informed my friend to take an irrevocable decision to disintegrate the marriage. This she did by leaving to live rather than stay and suffer the fate of other women who met their untimely death because they hoped for a change that never happened.
As a client of M-Link, by the time you’re matched, background checks would have been done to fish out all these loopholes. In addition, we’d have had our seasoned counsellors address these issues in the best possible ways to resolve and save the marriage because here at M-Link, we believe divorce isn’t the last option. The story would have been different if they allowed M-Link to take them through the journey.
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We did almost everything together and were seen everywhere. Whenever we visited his home, his mom would ask, “when are we visiting your parents?”.
I’d usually say “anytime ooo, our doors are open”. One day, his mom called me into her chambers.
“My daughter”, she started, “my son is prolonging the knocking and I don’t know why. Is there anything you’d want me to know?”. “Eerrmmm Ma, I don’t understand your question”. She looked at me with awe, blinked a few times and said “you don’t have to pretend. We love you and are willing to help you overcome your challenges as a couple”. “Huh! as a what?”
Few days ago, Ken and I were at the market to get a few things for his mom. When we got to a jewelry store, he beckoned me to join him. He pointed at a diamond ring and said “this will look good on you. Should we get it?”. I slapped his back, (“ah you paaa”) and dragged him out of the shop. As we drove home, I realized he was absolutely silent and that felt uneasy. What I heard was, “why are you taking too long?”
“Too long to/for?”. “Never mind, I’m hungry; let’s get something to eat”. I said “ok”. “What would you have”. “Veggie spag and cocktail”. He nodded in affirmation.
I looked at him, rubbed his hair gently and said, “Ken, don’t get upset please”. He gave me a corner eye and smiled.
“My daughter, you haven’t answered my question”. I almost forgot I’m in a conversation with his mom. “Ma please the truth is, we’re not a couple. We’re just friends”. “Friends? My son said… I’ll get back to you later. Stay blessed my daughter”. “Thanks Ma”. I walked away with a crowded thought. Could Ken and his mom be communicating something I don’t understand?
Six months later, Ken came home looking sad. He gave me a long hug and struggled to look at me. When he finally did, he kissed me passionately and said, “I’m getting married but you’re not invited. It should have been you.” “Ken, you never proposed”. “Hey, remember the jewelry store about the ring I wanted to buy?’. OH! WAS THAT A PROPOSAL? He finally said “can you wait for me? If it doesn’t work out, I’ll come for you”. I kissed him back and said, “in this journey, there’s no return”.
That was the first and only kiss we shared in 3yrs and that was how I lost a good man who said everything without words.
Ladies, don’t miss out on a great relationship because you haven’t heard the usual cliché of “I love you; will you marry me?”. Actions speak louder than words – PAY ATTENTION, your man is here.
It is every girly-girl’s dream to fall in love at first sight, just as it happens in movies. As naïve as I was, my younger self always thought that when I saw the man I was going to marry, it’ll be love at first sight. For some unknown reasons, my chance for a love at first sight moment went right over my head. But hey, this doesn’t mean there’s no chance for others to fall in love at first sight. Mine didn’t just work out. *smirk*
Back to our topic of discussion. Some of us are approaching the possibility of marriage for the first time while others have journeyed through the nightmare of divorce or loss of a partner and are hesitantly moving toward a second commitment. In either case, the question of knowing if your supposed bride or groom is the right one for you can’t be underestimated – although it doesn’t seem like a big deal. Tradition has tasked men to take the first step (propose). For this reason, we’ll cook this write-up from a man’s perspective.
Finding your soulmate usually begins with friendship – you need to be her friend. You’ll notice the hike in phone calls. Sometimes, your conversation eats into the wee hours of the night. In the course of the friendship, you’ll grow to respect her. Then, if you previously had reasons not to like her, those reasons will begin to peel off because they’ll now seem shallow to you.
Before you say Jack, butterflies in your belly. You’ll yearn to sail deeper into the relationship. This time, you’ll cross the borders of phone calls to meet up often. Eventually, you’ll hunger for intimacy because at this point, she’s taken your breath away.
Showing symptoms of love doesn’t mean you should jump the gun. Rather, consider the following Nuggets of Wisdom listed below:
- Exercise patience and take a step at a time.
- Ensure you’re emotionally prepared for marriage (emotional intelligence is key)
- Submit your desire(lady) to God and trust Him to direct your steps in the right direction.
- Build a circle of counsellors (the most trusted people in your life) – parents, pastor, professional counsellor(s).
- Don’t overlook her red flags. They trumpet lounder after marriage.
- Pay attention to how she treats others; it communicates her interpersonal skills
- Take time to ask yourself these questions… “do I see her in my future?; “does her purpose conflict or compliment mine?”
I hope these tips guide you to finding the one and enjoy the long-awaited bliss you deserve. Have fun!
Of all the home remedies, a good wife is the best – Kin Hubbard
The beginning of every marriage looks beautiful and attractive until there are endless chores to attend to. As wives, maintaining our homes also includes our husbands and children. When we find ourselves in the bracket of career women, there is usually a window out in striking a balance between work and marriage. Some of us have little or no insight on time management to make this work. We must bear in mind that our family is our priority so we can’t neglect them from our daily chores.
HOW TO EASE STRESS
As a couple, it’s advisable to multitask and delegate responsibilities when necessary. However, a career woman should be slow at employing the services of a stay-in house help otherwise, she runs the risk of wrecking her home. Woman, you can always manage your home with the help of your husband, so when choosing a lifetime partner, be sure to choose the one that is willing and able to help you do your chores when time is against you. Note this: you’re not obliged to complete your daily chores at all cost. Therefore, avoid looking clumsy and confused in the quest to complete your chores; always seek a helping hand when you have a lot on your plate.
WHAT MIGHT GO WRONG
A prayerful wife is all that a man can ask for since most men don’t make time to pray. Prayer in itself isn’t a vice but if it causes you to chirk your marital responsibility, then eyebrows will be raised. It is alleged that some women are itchy to visit every women’s fellowship once an advertisement hits the airwaves, neglecting their roles as wives and mothers. One may ask, “What is the point of worshipping God when at the end of the day your husband finds himself in the arms of another woman?”
It’s high time some women shunned “disturbing” God in the guise of prayer for their negligence and irresponsibility. If this happens, more work will be required to restore your home and marriage. What’s worse? Some women tend to change their dress code when they start this fellowship kind of thing; dressing as oldies and losing their sense of humor in the process. Dear wives, if your husband wants you to wear tight clothing, why not? WEAR IT FOR HIM. If he prefers loose clothing, kindly do same. Remember, both the Quran and Bible teach obeisance and submission to our husbands. Another aspect of concern, apart from food, is sex. Deny him that and watch your man unravel his true colors.
THE PATH TO TAKE
Peace of mind is something you can’t trade for silver or gold. Any home will be a haven if it provides just enough. A peaceful home is the one we all look forward to returning after a hard day’s work. If the home is peaceful, a man will confide in his wife when he is facing challenges because he knows there’s a good listener who will neither accuse nor judge him. You can be that woman whose man yearns for her whenever she’s away.
What’s more? Give him a shoulder to lean on, be his sunshine when the sky seems dark and your man will ask for nothing else in return but all of you. In addition, be there for your children, choose to be the mother every child would wish to have, and always show appreciation to your husband with the little effort he puts in place to ensure happiness and provision. Discipline your children in the most suitable way but don’t instill the fear of their father in them. Lest, they perceive him as mean and uncaring. Teach your children to love and care for their fathers just as they love you. Worship with your children and husband as often as you can. Most importantly, let God lead in everything that you do as a couple or family. Try sharing bills once in a blue moon to cut down the burden on one shoulder. To build a happy and stable home, it’s about love and care anytime, any day.
Whitney Houston once said, …I wish you joy and happiness; but above all this, I wish you LOVE; and I will always love you
Love is the strongest force that compels Jack to sacrifice his life for Rose (Titanic) and pushes Julliet to join Romeo in eternity by committing suicide (Romeo & Julliet). Love, when expressed genuinely, creates a stronger bond termed intimacy. This intimacy transcends the borders of the bedroom; in other words, it defines a unique attachment towards a special someone with whom you’ve built trust and confidence. Usually, one of the acceptable destinations to fully consummate love and intimacy is in marriage.
It is assumed that love doesn’t exist but I beg to differ. The challenge lies with how to find the kind of love we desire. Lately, traumas associated with past relationships deter people from taking a bold step to finding love. However, don’t allow what you have faced in a past relationship to stop you from moving forward and finding love again.
To foster love and strong intimacy, here are a few nuggets for your pocket;
- understand each other’s body languages
- couples should always show concern towards each other
- encourage, positively challenge, and bring out the best in your partner
- it’s okay to compromise on your values and comfort
- sometimes, throw a surprise dinner or party for your partner
- mutual respect is key to building a lasting relationship
- planning a get away romantic date out of town, will spice up the love
- you can choose to share chores and stick to them
- be creative and adventurous in the bedroom by exploring each other’s bodies in the most sensitive areas.
- decorate the bedroom or bed with some rose flowers, scented candles and toffees/chocolates.
At Marriage Link Consult, we have many exciting ideas for you to explore with your partner to perpetually want more of each other. Contact us NOW.